I feel that it is in human nature to run from things that scare them. Many people say to stand up to your fears and face what you have to. What do you do when you face them and are standing still? What are to do when we succeed. Where do we go from here?
January 8th 2011
So it has taken me a week to write the next chapter and now I seem to be in like a writing frenzy, I feel like I have so much to write now, I'm worried it might be two much two fast. I try to write at least once a day to build suspense, today though I have already wrote two blogs! Is this two much? If I don't write it down though I might loose it, I think my writers block was my imaginations way of punishing me anyway for tampering with the hard copy of the story. I brought back Amber when thats not what really happened, and now what if it has changed the whole story.. Will it still be good? Is it even good now, I have read worse; maybe it's not that bad...
January 8th 2011
Just about two weeks left until we move! Pittsburgh here we come, we almost have everything in order. It will be good to be back in Pennsylvania! I have missed it so much! I also might have a job waiting for me and hopefully I will be able to buy my own laptop so I don't have to keep bugging my sister :) Starting fresh I guess.
being homeless :)January 6th 2011
An extremely rough day I had today and last night; from homeless to just about disowned again. My life never stands still! I wish sometimes it would, I would not mind at all. I wrote some more on the book, its hard to concentrate with all the stress and lack of sleep. I think the next free day I have I'm going to take a sleeping vacation with some help (: Hopefully catch up with the book. Brazil is a long section and its not going to write itself :)
January 1st 2011
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January 1st 2011
Happy New Year! <3
December 30th 2010
December 30th 2010
My New Years Resolution
Its almost New Years! I can't decide on what my resolution should be. I have some takers but just can't decide, I know you can have more than one, it just seems like to much upkeep to be thinking about several at one time so I have decided on just picking one. It could be no smoking but that will never work out, I want it to be a year without incidents; but that is an extreme long shot due to the increased memory laps I keep having. I could try for getting out of debt, that one seems reasonable enough but thats tough with my lifestyle.
December 29th 2010
I wish things were simple, I wish everything was normal. I wake up everyday wishing things weren't like they are. Maybe it is ungrateful to wish for such things, maybe not. I have lost everything and given away whatever else I had left. I have just about tried everything in the book. I have one hope left and I'm pretty convinced it wont even change anything. This professor in Pittsburgh may not even be able to help me and I will be stuck like this for the rest of my life, doomed to be like my farther; empty and burnt dry. I would rather die before this ever happened if it were possible. Who would ever want to live forever? Its slowly killing me, causing me to leave everything behind once again. Another move, another life to be started with fresh people and new scenery. Many think this is what I want, I don't. I want to be able to settle down, make friends and familiar places, a home. I want to be like everyone else. I know she thinks it will be fun, starting a new life, but after the first eight times it will get old. She will hate it and once again I will be back to where I started like usual. The people here are growing apart from me, my mom in poor health; she can't survive my life anymore, she never could. I love them all as much as I can. Again though I run, running far to block out the familiar, its continuing weight and pain pouring down on me. On my worst enemy I wouldn't wish this. I am less than what I once was, I know this though I try to deny it. Complicated, its always complicated. People would kill for what I have and I would throw it all away in a second. Foolish I guess. Now I have selfishly brought someone else into it, for what reason I have no idea, I regret it everyday. I am destructive, and trouble. Well we learn from our mistakes, and be sure I will never make this one again. Hopefully it will be fixed, hopefully.
December 29th 2010
Art& Photography done by Amber Brantley. Scene; Stephen & Bloom thanksgiving day, very fantastic! I love this photo.
December 29th 2010
A long and hard day ahead, we have so much to do with little time, are deadline had caved in on us. I can only hope that coffee will be my friend all day :)
December 26th 2010
I am regrettably sorry for the post below, I am ashamed on how I acted. Childish and stupid. I feel like I have mistreated my blog. Though I will not delete it for I want it to be a reminding lesson to not stoop down to others levels especially a man. I am truly sorry and ashamed. I shall not post something so immature on this sight again.
December 26th 2010
Photography By: Amber Brantley
December 26th 2010
Trying out for the Prick Award.
I will admit I am an asshole at times, but seriously if you don't like the way I do things do it yourself right? I can't explain how funny it is that someone in my life right now is so immature that they have to post to the entire world that I am a jerk. From the time I broke it off with them it has been nothing but what I'm doing wrong, I don't clean, I don't do this, I don't do that. I only think of myself, because I'm not thinking about what you want. Excuse me for not being in the mood to deal with you emotions when I can't even handle my own. I keep to myself, I don't share my problems with you, big woop. I haven't even known you for that long. You concern yourself practically half the day with what I am or am not doing. Seriously worry about someone or something else. You wake me up in the middle of the night complaining about me smoking when I out cold dreaming up tomorrows blog. You go out and write nasty words on my mothers car in the snow, and most of all you create a blog for the whole world to see and start it off with how awful I am to be around. I am damaged and broken, and from the start I said there could be a chance this would never work why are you concerning yourself with it now. You post that I am running away from my responsibility, before you start casting anything stop and think about why I am running away in the first place. Maybe it has completely nothing to do with you and you got caught up in something way to over you head. I'm trying to deal with things you can't even come close to understanding and where you should be my friend and supporting me you bash my name in behind my back. If you think I don't know your foolish. I feel lousy and immature myself as I write something so stupid but I am the bigger asshole so I have none but to dumb down to your level and let this be heard. I can take whatever you throw at me, whatever it is.
December 27th 2010
People, there reactions, there life choices; it makes me happy to see people live there lives from up to down. The way they challenge the everyday obstacles. I don't understand why anyone ever watches television when they can look outside there very own window and see more entertaining things. I spend a lot of my days gazing upon the average people and the emotions and reactions to events or occurrences. Even the people close to me scramble to get there life together, for what? Why not just enjoy life as it comes? This must be understood first, I am not a planner, I never plan and whenever I do so, it fails miserably. I take pride in the promise that I never see what happens next; coming, I feel it makes life interesting. Don't get me wrong its a rough life to lead, most people don't feel the same. Personally, since this is my personal section, I say "fuck-em" if they can't keep up they fall behind :) Life is never fair, it never has been, in the real world once you grow up, you don't get to fall into the safety net, you fall on your face. Man up, learn you lesson, and move on. I have never been more proud of my choices in life, I have few regrets and millions of goals, isn't that how it should be? <3
